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A few ways to entertain yourself in large department stores
- As the cashier runs your purchases through the scanner, look mesmerized and say "Wow! MAGIC!"
- Attempt to fit in very large gym bags
- Attempt to fit others in very large gym bags
- Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
- Come from the bathroon soaking wet with ripped clothing and toiletpaper draped around you. run down the isles screaming: "The toilet just attacked me!!!"
- Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
- Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission: Impossible.
- Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying," ... I'm Batman. Come, Robin. To the Batcave!"
- Find a spot in the store and curl up in a ball, mumbling to yourself. when an employee of the store askes "can i help you" scream: "WHY CANT YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?!?"
- Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
- Get several of those frogs (that croak when somebody walks by) from the Garden Dept. and place in strategic locations throughout store.
- Hide in the fishtanks
- Hold jousts with the carts of senior citizens
- Hold relay races with tubes of paper towels.
- Hold shopping cart races
- If you're wearing tight clothing, fill them with large items. attempt to casually walk out of the store.
- Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food isle, etc.
- Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
- Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if ther are any in stock, i.e., "Do you sell Shnerples here?"
- Marco Polo.
- Move "Cauion: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
- Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics
- Play with the automatic doors.
- Pop the inflateable holiday snowglobes
- Pretend to have rabies. Bite someone if your feeling particularly daring.
- Put M&M's on layaway
- Randomly throw things into neighboring aisles.
- Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
- Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a test drive.
- Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
- Run up to random people in the store giggling and place a rainbow colored sticker on them saying "I know you're little secret!"
- Say things like "Would you be so kind as to direct to your Twinkies?"
- Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
- Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath
- Set up a Valet Parking sign in the front of the store
- Set up all the Dora the Explorer toys up in a funny formation in one of the main isles. when someone attempts to pick them up and put them away, run over and yell "SWIPER: NO SWIPING!!!"
- Sing "i love you, you love me, gummy bears are after me. One is blue and one is red, that poor one just lost its head"
- Start playing soccer/football in the main isle; see how many people you can get to join in.
- Take an entire isle up in the Toy section setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men
- Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
- Test the fishing rods and see what you "catch" from the other isles.
- Throw a baseball at a random 15 year old boys' butt
- Throw Dora dolls at the workers and sing the "We Did it" song
- Try on audacious undies and bras on over your clothes then strut your stuff throughout the store.
- Tune all the radios to the polka station, turn them off, then set the volume on as high as it can go.
- Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
- Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long," etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
- When an announcement comes on over the speakers, assume the fetal position and scream "OH NO!!! ITS THOSE VOICES AGAIN!!!"
- When he isnt looking, fill a big burly man's shopping cart with pink and/or embarasing girly items
- When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially down thin narrow aisles.
- When two or three people are walking ahead of you run between them yelling "Red Rover"
- When you see a couple, obviously dating or married, run up to the member of the same sex and yell "YOU'R CHEATING ON ME??? AND WITH THIS SLUM??? WE'RE THROUGH!" (slap the face of the cheater for more affect)
- While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressents are. act as spastic as possible.
- While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"
- Write messages as best you can on calculators, dropping them in the carts of innoccent passerby